Thursday, September 4, 2008

Boys just seem to only cause me grief.

I know it's not "necessary" to have a boyfriend, but I do with that I had someone to really be there for me....

The boy I've loved for 4 years now...he used to have feelings for me...but I guess they have left, and now the only reason he's stayed with me is for my body. He claims he wants to make sure our relationship doesn't end up down the drain, but then he doesn't seem to act it.

Everytime a boy has EVER liked me it's ended up just because of my body, not ME. That makes me so mad....this boy KNOWS I have a soft spot for him, but he just keeps on taking advantage....I just can't be mean....especially to someone I've liked for so long. But I dunno....I just feel like ignoring him, but he lives right down the street, and is best friends with my little bro, so he's always over. He is also always at the shop I run, I don't mind all that, but it's just that I thought he was so much better then what he's turned out to be. I mean I DON'T care if he doesn't like me anymore, but instead of acting as if he LIKES me than just tell me you don't like me anymore....ya it may hurt at first but It's way better then to find out you stayed with me only for the "benefits".

I dunno....its just when I thought I found a good honest turns out all wrong...I know there's more fish in the sea, Its just if I can really open myself up again to another guy....I hate getting hurt like this. Well I'm sure no one does...but still, these experinces with all the guys I've been with, or been around just hurt me more then anything. And in life I have NOONE to go to to talk to, I don't have a great relationship with my parents when it comes to talking about life, same with most of my friends...I just wish I really had someone to help me out when I feel like crap.

Another thing that kills me with guys is that Every guy friend that I've ever had ended up crushing on me, I can't seem to ever be just "friends" with a that never helps...I know somegirls would LOVE guys always wanting to date and such, but I can't stand it, cause never is it for my's only been cause I'm "pretty"
I got so many "I like you"s going down the halls in highschool, and while in class even, but I had never met these guys before...How can they like someone they've never met? You can't, you can like how they LOOK but not the real THEM...untill you get to know them. I just wish I could find someone that can like me for the REAL me...not just for my looks....I'm just scared of getting hurt. I dunno....

well I guess I'll stop ranting...
Thanks all who actually read. I just had to get it out somewhere.
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